January 30th, 2004
|03:34 pm - As long as one heart still holds on, then hope is never really gone|
I've gotten some interesting comments today. People saying I look different. Not in a bad way. Just a comment here and there about my hair...ok...it's clean...didn't know it would make a huge difference to shower in the morning vs. the night before. Don't know what the big deal is. And then another person on my contract told me I look dangerous today. Don't know where the hell they would have come up with that. Unless I had a determined expression on my face or something.
Going to attempt to reach a state of un-sober after work. Just because I can. Don't know which avenue I will be pursuing to reach that state, but I guess I'll find out after work.
It's really cold in here today...almost like there's a breeze, I can feel it moving my hair around. And the bathrooms are reminding me of my room or my house. Complete lack of heat. Y'know, it's not fair for the females! We actually have to sit on that cold porcelain (sp).
I really need to cut down on my soda drinking. Should really drink some more water. But for some reason when it's cold out, I drink more soda.
Rambling now...*whines* don't wanna work!
|12:06 pm - And I remember the words, that you'll never say|
What's the point to any of this? I give up. I'm through. I'm throwing in the towel, throwing my hands in the air.
It's like sitting on the teeter-totter, but you're always up in the air. Led like a rat through a maze, but is it worth the reward. A yo-yo, just when you think you're flying free, yanked back so fast it's like you were never out there.
What am I saying? I seem to go looking for this sort of thing. I'm not happy unless I'm torturing myself. I've turned into a masochist or something. Might as well go and beat my head against the wall.
|10:41 am - I'm gettin' tired of mysteries|
Manda, Dee and I went to Pizza Hut then to Best Buy. Kinda like old times.
Went on an Utada Hikaru kick when I got home. Found a bunch of good pictures, and other information. Was blasting Eternally and First Love on repeat in my head phones and mom kept insisting on interrupting me. Was really pissing me off. All I wanted to do was blast my music, surf the net, and be left alone.
Woke up late this morning, knew I was gonna be late either way, so I took my shower and let the car warm up. Brian's not here today to bitch, but I'm sure I'll hear about it soon enough. I could stay late to make up my time, but I don't know if I want to stay until 6:45.
Working tomorrow to make up for Wednesday.
At least I don't have a headache...yet.
January 29th, 2004
|04:20 pm - And I wonder if you know the kind of pain I'm in|
Is it wrong?
Is it wrong to care?
Is it wrong to worry?
Is it wrong to want to do better?
Is it wrong to want to change?
Is it wrong to feel?
Is it wrong to love?
Is it wrong?
Is it wrong to ask whether or not it's wrong?